The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA)
WASHINGTON
, DC - Congress is considering sweeping legislation which
will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No
Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by
advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or
ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive
necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society,"
said California Senator Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and
allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this
legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to
a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what
they are doing."
In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi
and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S.
Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of
postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single
largest U.S . employer of Persons of Inability.
Private-sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against
the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (6 8%), and
home improvement "warehouse" stores (65%). At the state government
level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has a great record of
hiring Persons of Inability (63%).
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle
man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but
little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose
and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to
guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The
legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote
a significant number of Persons of Inability into middle-management
positions, and gives a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses
that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNA Act contains tough new measures to make it more
difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled, banning, for example,
discriminatory interview questions such as "Do you have any skills or
experience which relate to this job?"
"As a Non-abled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who
have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint , Michigan, due to
her lack of any discernible job skills. "This new law should really help
people like me." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of
other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the
tunnel.
Said Senator Ted Kennedy: "As a Senator With No Abilities, I believe the
same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to
every American with no abilities . It is our duty as lawmakers to provide
each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with
some sort of space to take up in this great nation."
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